New Yorkers differ on when to ask friends to repay small debts

BBC News interviews in New York found sharply different views on when to ask a friend to repay a small expense: some people would request $5, while others said pursuing less than $20 would feel more awkward than losing the money. The answers matter to anyone who covers a shared bill and then has to decide whether, or how often, to ask for it back.

Business reporter Yasmin Rufo published the interviews on 25 September, asking people about everyday situations such as paying for dinner, a taxi or a coffee on the understanding that a friend would settle up later. Their answers describe personal boundaries around money and friendship. The BBC did not present the interviews as a representative survey of New Yorkers.

Where people draw the line

Henry Payne, a 21-year-old New Yorker, told the BBC he had sent a request for $8.50 but would not go below $8. He said one reminder was enough: sending a second request would feel excessive, even if the first went unanswered. For him, losing that $8.50 would be preferable to asking again.

Payne also acknowledged that he sometimes forgets to repay people himself. His comment offers a less confrontational explanation for an unpaid request, although it does not tell the person who paid whether a particular friend has forgotten or intends to leave the bill with them. The uncertainty is part of what makes a reminder uncomfortable.

British student Betsie Brooke-Taylor, also 19, put her threshold at £5. She told the BBC that small sums matter and suggested that payment apps can make asking easier. Her answer illustrates another distinction: deciding that a debt is worth recovering does not necessarily make the act of requesting it comfortable.

A pattern can matter more than a single bill

For Annika Violet, 19, the amount depends on whether she has repeatedly paid for someone. She told the BBC that she prefers taking turns, but would request $5 if she kept covering the cost and the friend did not reciprocate. Her friend Hanako Stepper described the opposite reaction: she finds asking awkward and said she has never chased anyone, even when she is disappointed about an unpaid debt.

Ella Feuille, 21, said roughly $15 was the point at which she would consider requesting repayment. For a significant amount, she would ask about three times before giving up. She told the BBC she has learned to put some expenses on the card of friends she expects will not pay her back. Katrina Dimingot said she prefers friends taking turns buying things instead of settling every transaction separately.

The BBC reported that several interviewees cared more about repeated failures to repay than the precise amount. Money expert Laura Pomfret told the outlet that people can feel embarrassed about asking for money and worry about appearing cheap. She argued that someone who wants a debt repaid need not dismiss it solely because the sum is small, and suggested thinking twice before repeatedly paying for a friend who does not settle up.

What broader figures can show

Financial exchanges between friends and family extend well beyond shared coffees and taxi fares. In the Federal Reserve’s 2019 Survey of Household Economics and Decisionmaking, 10% of United States adults said they had received financial support from someone outside their household, while 17% said they had provided it. Among people aged 18 to 24, 38% reported receiving such support; the figure was 18% for those aged 25 to 29.

Those survey figures should not be read as a count of unpaid personal loans. The Federal Reserve described support for general expenses, bills, housing and education, and more than two-thirds of recipients said the help came from a parent. Among recipients under 30, that share was 87%. The survey establishes that outside financial help occurs, but it does not say that each transfer carried an expectation of repayment.

A 2023 Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta discussion cited a separate 2021 survey finding: 8% of United States adults said they would borrow from family or friends to meet a $400 emergency expense. That question concerns a much larger need than the small social expenses raised in the BBC interviews. It offers context for informal borrowing, not a measure of how often friends repay a dinner bill.

The Atlanta Fed also noted that payments between people can have different purposes, including possibly repaying someone who helped them obtain online or mobile access using cash. It described that explanation as a possibility, not a count of informal loans. Neither those payment patterns nor the BBC’s selected interviews establish a typical repayment threshold or the frequency of unpaid small debts.

For the people Rufo spoke to, the practical question was often less about calculating the smallest recoverable sum than deciding what a missed repayment says about a friendship. Their thresholds ranged from a few dollars to amounts closer to $20, but their reasons also turned on memory, embarrassment and whether the same friend had failed to pay before. Those are the interviewees’ experiences, not a rule for New Yorkers generally.